Firstmed Blog

The following are two diary extracts. The first is written by Jean, the second by her husband Peter. They have been married for 35 years. One year ago, Peter had triple by-pass surgery. Since that time, their sexual relationship has silently dwindled.

SEPT 30, 2006
Peter and I were finally alone after a busy week – no Phone, no distractions, no interruptions. I’d been looking forward to this special time together to share a fulfilling, intimate experience. But in spite of my caresses and cuddling, Peter couldn’t seem to respond. The more I tried, the more anxious we both became. He was embarrassed and apologetic. Feebly, Peter admitted, ‘I just haven’t been myself lately.’ I felt disappointed, frustrated, and frankly, a little angry. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. Sometimes, in the middle of intercourse, he’d lose his erection and we’d have to stop. So, once again, I tried to be supportive, ‘ It’s OK, Peter, it doesn’t matter, being together is enough.’ But it isn’t…I know it…and so does he.”

When I look in the mirror now I see that my beauty is definitely fading. New wrinkles seem to appear on a daily basis. A recent, unwelcome weight gain testifies that my body is losing the war with gravity. The prospect of aging disturbs me, as much as I try not to think about it. I feel to blame in some way that Peter’s sexual interest in me has diminished. Although I love him a great deal, I feel emotionally insecure and ambivalent about our sexual problems.
Why can’t we talk about it, we’ve been through so much together. I thought that we could talk about anything. Why is this so hard. I long for the emotional and sexual satisfaction I used to receive from making love with Peter.

OCT 01, 2006
I talked with my doctor yesterday who reassured me that sexual activity would not endanger my physical health, but this reassurance did not assuage my anxieties. It’s not fair to burden Jean with my problems. How can I tell her I’m not sexually capable anymore? Now I’m only half a man. I have failed so many times. I can’t even hold Jean’s hand without feeling failure and defeat. I can’t look at her anymore, without seeing the disappointment and confusion in her eyes. I am no longer the man she married.