Firstmed Blog

Baden-Baden - (Ass Mess): Scientists researching pheromones - the body’s natural attractants secreted by 98% of the population - have discovered than an ancient Westphalian recipe pickle ointment made from distilled cabbage water and an indigenous fungus called the Grim Reaper may hold the ultimate key to treating sexual dysfunction.

Clinical tests began last year on a trial group of 1,000 non-orgasmic males and females who had previously been unable to register any sexual response whatsoever, even when plied with Viagra, alcohol, Northern Lights premium blend superweed, porno videos and/or a range of pharmaceutical substances traditionally associated with rampant libido syndrome.

The effects were startling.

The new remedy was applied like a perfume in tiny dabs just behind the ear and other more intimate body pulse points. And within hours - well several actually - the totally organic and highly bio-degradable wonder-cure began to work its magic on the random sample.

A local Fairtrade co-operative is now hoping to get US Food & Drug Administration licensing to market its wonder product, initially in the mid-west Bible Belt and among gambling-mad Seminole native Americans.

Reports also state that global patents taken out by the organization could prove more lucrative in the long run than market-leader Viagra.

“We’re onto a real winner here”, said a company spokesman.
Vía: The Spoof!